I feel I'm becoming a new woman. I am suffering bouts of depression in the progress, but I feel they are of my own fault. My husband and I have a new understanding of each other based on occurences Friday morning. I have been smoke free for 7 weeks tonight at midnight. I purged the internet for 48 hours and OH WHAT A feeling that was! Internet purging will become a habit in my life. I left the cyberworld for 48 hours with the agreement to myself that I would get online for necessary things. I did. Twice. Once for a map to a house we were off to look into renting. Another time when I couldn't find one of my recipes. Net net time (pun intended): approximately 6 minutes in 48 hours. On top of it all, I have a weigh in tomorrow that should hopefully show a loss of 6 pounds since May 31st. Yes, I've already weighed in since last Monday but since Mondays are the official weigh-in, I must not get giddy til tomorrow.
God has shown me who I need to be. I am still struggling with it, hence the bouts of depression. I caved and bought some valerian root on Friday. My sleeping patterns have been near naut for almost 2 months now. But the last 2 nights I have gone "out like a light" and only woke a small handful of times each night. The last 2 Sundays we have not been in church. Both times due to DH's co-worker being an idiot and DH having to go in to work. Since my car is pretty much clutch-less and our sub-division being excruciatingly hill-y, that has left the kids and I at home. Maybe this is another reason for that empty feeling I have had.
And to top it all off, the neighbors absolutely stink. We live surrounded (mostly) by kids who have been latch-key kids since WAY before even the legal age, who are still left alone for many hours at a time and that are allowed to do as they please, with absolutely no regard to humanity or respect. For instance, the child next door that shoots bb's at our house. And yes, he seems to get away with it. His older sister, who will be working in a whorehouse if her mother doesn't straighten up and teach her any better, who has a mouth and a half on her. And then there's the mother that has different men at all occasions, would rather buy a harley that put her "tourette's child" (yes the same latch-key kid that has been as such since at least as young as 9 (when we first met them) into some sort of treatment, let her first dogs (since we've met her) run all over tarnation, til one died and the other disappeared, and lets her current one remain leashed on a lead that reached WELL into OUR yard. That never once said thank you for all the times I offered her children refuge during ice storms (while she worked on power lines to restore power- her job), all the times I offered her child a place to hang out each time he "was locked out of the house," and last week when I went out of my way to search the internet looking for the phone number to her daughter's work to let them know their dog was tangled so badly in his lead that he would lose his leg was he left there much longer. This is just a SMALL handful of the "neighborly" things I have done for them. This doesn't include food and gifts sent over for them. Doesn't include a LOT of things.
Then there is the next house up. A single alcoholic and mentally abusive "father." We have heard him outside cursing at his child and at OTHER kids. I had to call him on it once. I was polite, let him know my children were outside and asked him to watch his tongue. He decided he'd rather "go off on me." DH was NOT a happy camper at that.
We have had yard decorations destroyed, a pool that has been busted (DH & I suspect bb's), firewood stolen, toys stolen, animals allowed to roam, etc. Police have been called out (not by me) on these peoples children, and they all seem to think it's all a big joke. Police have been called out (this time by me) on these stray dogs that threaten harm to my children.
And somehow through all of this, *I* am the bad neighbor. Sad isn't it? I've also said I knew we shouldn't have moved into a sub, but that the price was right and affordable for us. We pay approximately 2/3 to 1/2 for this area of what we could and should be for a house like this. And we're here, or were, for a reason. But I believe that reason has past and we have been pounding the pavement looking for something else. We've been looking nonchalantly for a few months now, but we are REALLY looking now.
So, if I may once again ask for prayers: our current home situation, our hopeful future home situation, DH's stress level at his current job, his impending job, my non-smoking adventure coupled with the above and my weight loss, and above all, my relationships with my God, my hubby and my children. Lord has given us a bumpy, nasty road lately and I KNOW with faith and peserverance we will overcome it all. But prayers never hurt! And I'd like to thank those of you that already have us in your hand of prayers!
God has shown me who I need to be. I am still struggling with it, hence the bouts of depression. I caved and bought some valerian root on Friday. My sleeping patterns have been near naut for almost 2 months now. But the last 2 nights I have gone "out like a light" and only woke a small handful of times each night. The last 2 Sundays we have not been in church. Both times due to DH's co-worker being an idiot and DH having to go in to work. Since my car is pretty much clutch-less and our sub-division being excruciatingly hill-y, that has left the kids and I at home. Maybe this is another reason for that empty feeling I have had.
And to top it all off, the neighbors absolutely stink. We live surrounded (mostly) by kids who have been latch-key kids since WAY before even the legal age, who are still left alone for many hours at a time and that are allowed to do as they please, with absolutely no regard to humanity or respect. For instance, the child next door that shoots bb's at our house. And yes, he seems to get away with it. His older sister, who will be working in a whorehouse if her mother doesn't straighten up and teach her any better, who has a mouth and a half on her. And then there's the mother that has different men at all occasions, would rather buy a harley that put her "tourette's child" (yes the same latch-key kid that has been as such since at least as young as 9 (when we first met them) into some sort of treatment, let her first dogs (since we've met her) run all over tarnation, til one died and the other disappeared, and lets her current one remain leashed on a lead that reached WELL into OUR yard. That never once said thank you for all the times I offered her children refuge during ice storms (while she worked on power lines to restore power- her job), all the times I offered her child a place to hang out each time he "was locked out of the house," and last week when I went out of my way to search the internet looking for the phone number to her daughter's work to let them know their dog was tangled so badly in his lead that he would lose his leg was he left there much longer. This is just a SMALL handful of the "neighborly" things I have done for them. This doesn't include food and gifts sent over for them. Doesn't include a LOT of things.
Then there is the next house up. A single alcoholic and mentally abusive "father." We have heard him outside cursing at his child and at OTHER kids. I had to call him on it once. I was polite, let him know my children were outside and asked him to watch his tongue. He decided he'd rather "go off on me." DH was NOT a happy camper at that.
We have had yard decorations destroyed, a pool that has been busted (DH & I suspect bb's), firewood stolen, toys stolen, animals allowed to roam, etc. Police have been called out (not by me) on these peoples children, and they all seem to think it's all a big joke. Police have been called out (this time by me) on these stray dogs that threaten harm to my children.
And somehow through all of this, *I* am the bad neighbor. Sad isn't it? I've also said I knew we shouldn't have moved into a sub, but that the price was right and affordable for us. We pay approximately 2/3 to 1/2 for this area of what we could and should be for a house like this. And we're here, or were, for a reason. But I believe that reason has past and we have been pounding the pavement looking for something else. We've been looking nonchalantly for a few months now, but we are REALLY looking now.
So, if I may once again ask for prayers: our current home situation, our hopeful future home situation, DH's stress level at his current job, his impending job, my non-smoking adventure coupled with the above and my weight loss, and above all, my relationships with my God, my hubby and my children. Lord has given us a bumpy, nasty road lately and I KNOW with faith and peserverance we will overcome it all. But prayers never hurt! And I'd like to thank those of you that already have us in your hand of prayers!
Comments